I had to let him go… it was the only way I could get my head back on track…… as I told him this, my heart broke some more, maybe because the actions I was expecting from him were different from the one he was showing me at the moment.

 I walked out with my eyes stored up with tears begging to drop, they could not wait for my to shut the door as they rushed out of my face, streaming down like there was a race for time. I stepped out into the cool night and stifled the scream that was about to come out of me.

How could I have been this stupid

How could I have been this naïve?

What happened to cutting it off before getting too deep

This is it, I’m not going back this time, never!

He doesn’t even care

I strolled to the house gate and leaned against it.

Way to go Dee, you’ve done it again, you’ve given you heart to a douchebag once more, clap for yourself

As I strolled to the extension of my own estate, I recalled how we met.

I was late to work that morning, usually by 5:30 I was out of the house but that Monday I just couldn’t move myself, so 6:00 met me and as soon as I got out of my gate strolling to the junction to get a bus, a car stopped beside me, and as the car window came down I saw a beauty in form of a man, with the most perfect sleepy eyes, with lips so set like he had just kissed a bottle to get those shape. He asked where I was heading I was headed and I said the island and he smile and said get in, it must have been the eyes or the smile or the lips but I found myself in his car before I could recall my manners.

On our way he said nothing but dropped me exactly in front of my office, same thing happened the next day as I once again left home late and this time he was using an uber driver, that was where I collected his number, I pushed for a discussion till he became free with me, the day he asked me out for drinks, I dressed up like I was going out for a date….three weeks down and we had gotten enough of electronical foreplay, and wanted to get to it for real. Of course I was elated but at the same time worried, would he see me as cheap? Would he get the wrong idea? I didn’t know all I knew was I wanted those eyes to look into mine with tenderness….

Out first time was amazing, and that let the monster out, we couldn’t stay off each other, there was this madness to have him, I was his addiction and he was mine, I saw his body on every tv male figure and I craved him all the more, he spent more time with me that he did with the boys, boys hang out became a ritual for us to explore ourselves. I put up suggestive posts on my snapchat and he replies, we let out the steam in the evening before I get home, my body belonged to his eyes and his body my hands. I smiled better, joked better and got frustrated less, we were loving the arrangement of just adorning our bodies

Till we became obsessive of each other, we weren’t an item but we were not looking out either, the ladies call him and I get pissed, the guys call or chat with me and he flairs up, it affects me at work, I go to the restroom , cry my eyes out and get back to work. I stopped being happy without his touch, could not listen to radio either because every song was our song.

How is it possible to be so consumed by someone you loose joy in everything else, I couldn’t talk to my friends because they never knew of this to start with, so I could not vent.

I chat him up and we make up again only for the circler to continue.

I can’t go on like this, I’ll run mad

He calls me and I give myself another reason why I had to see him.

I give myself two days of intense pleasure and high and then we’re at it again.

This time the Croix here was that he left my to hang out with his female colleague, who happens to be richly adorned in the chest area, not to mention that she was lighter than the sun and it was not the kind of complexion boosted by cream, I know this because I went to her Instagram page and checked her out. He didn’t call me till two days later, what was I supposed to think.

So I sent him a chat wishing him well with the new chick and he replied thanks with a smiley, who flipping does that! And now when I told him we should call it off he says nothing and watch me leave?

Wow! I have really been a fool…..

I get to my house gate and wipe out the remaining tears off my face and push to open the gate

My phone rings

His name pops up

My heart twist and I pause at the gate

Maybe he is calling to apologise

“yes?” I replied, in my most uncrying voice ever.

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